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Dummies guide to what went wrong in Europe.
Helga
is the proprietor of a bar. She
realizes that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics
and, as such, can no longer afford to patronize her bar. To solve this
problem she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers
to drink now, but pay later.
Helga keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers' loans).
Word
gets around about Helga's "drink now, pay later" marketing strategy
and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Helga's
bar. Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in town.
By
providing her customers freedom from immediate payment demands Helga
gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially
increases her prices for wine and beer - the most consumed
beverages.
Consequently,
Helga's gross sales volumes and paper profits increase massively. A
young and dynamic vice-president at the local bank recognises that these
customer debts constitute valuable future assets and increases Helga's
borrowing limit. He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has
the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral.
He is rewarded with a six figure bonus.
At
the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders figure a way to make
huge commissions, and transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS.
These "securities" are then bundled and traded on international
securities markets.
Naive
investors don't really understand that the securities being sold to
them as "AA Secured Bonds" are really debts
of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously
climb and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some
of the nation's leading brokerage houses.
The traders all receive a six figure bonus.
One
day, even though the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at
the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment
on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Helga's bar. He so informs
Helga. Helga then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons but, being
unemployed alcoholics, they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Since
Helga cannot fulfil her loan obligations she is forced into bankruptcy.
The bar closes and Helga's 11 employees lose their jobs.
Overnight, DRINKBOND prices drop by 90%. The collapsed bond asset value destroys the
bank's liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community.
The
suppliers of Helga's bar had granted her generous payment extensions
and had invested their firms' pension funds in the BOND securities.
They find they are now faced with having to write off her bad debt and
with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds. Her wine
supplier also claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business
that had endured for three generations; her beer supplier is taken over
by a competitor, who immediately
closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers.
Fortunately
though, the bank, the brokerage houses and their respective executives
are saved and bailed out by a multibillion dollar no-strings attached
cash infusion from the government.
They all receive a six figure bonus.
The
funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on
employed, middle-class, non-drinkers who've never been in Helga's bar.
Now do you understand?
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